the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
