You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize