i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
