'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
