I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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