I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
