She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
