Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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