I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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