but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
