i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize