Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
