Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
