I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
