Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize