Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
