I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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