you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
