Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
