In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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