dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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