You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
