shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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