I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
