I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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