you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
