I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
