You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize