i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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