someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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