Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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