Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
