She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
