Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize