so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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