It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
