direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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