Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
