At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
