I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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