You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
