worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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