Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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