Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
