I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
