worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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