I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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