Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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