i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
