This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
