Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
