roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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