You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Lo siento on account of my penis...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
