dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize