We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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