I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
