I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I deserve this hangover.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
