Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
