my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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