cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize