i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
