At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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