i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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