yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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