no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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