She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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