I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
