It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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