i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
